Generally, when you think about the two magic people in the sky you think about God and Peter, but looking at how fucked up our universe is, it’s closer to Dog and Piotr.

So there they were: one aimless human society, and up above them in the sky: Dog. He wasn’t an actual dog, by the way, and he wasn’t really that much of a God either, but he was as the closest thing to one they got.

“God, I want people to remember me long after I am gone—“

“Piotr!” shouts Dog, “Give him a tragic death!”

“—and be the one to show others the way,” the person below continued.

“And then name a street after ‘im too, Piotr!”

Piotr scribbles in his notebook. “..give..them..the…Kennedy.”

SSPARK! GRrrumble—A flash of light and thunder roars across the sky.

Dog scans below. “Mm-kay. Who’s next?”

“I want a rich man!“

“Piotr, does she have plans for Sunday?”

“Uhhhh…,” Piotr flips through his papers. “No.”

“Set her a date with Richard. What’s next?”

“We have time for one more until we have to give another earthquake, Dog.”

“Oh, yeah.” He remembers. “Let’s take that one! What does he want?”

“I want to add things in this world, and make a difference! Make a product. Have some sort of value, even if it’s just a fraction!“

“Uhhh…,” Dog looks around his chair and rummages for something around it. “A-HA!—Give him this, Piotr.”

PLOP. A book falls on the man’s head: My First Math Book: Introduction to Arithmetic (ages 3 and up).

“BAM!” Cheers Dog. “He’s gonna be a great math teacher now, Piotr.”

“Ready for the earthquake?”

“Yes, let’s go,” he says and gets up from his chair to walk towards the edge of the world.

“Japan, again?”

“Yup. Something must still really be stuck somewhere along these edges, Piotr, cause I otherwise have no idea why so many people would keep telling me to shake it off…”