He’d only been working there for a week as a server, but the amount of chatter he’d managed to raise about himself sped through the others so fast that word went up rather quickly to both the assistant and local manager.

Some servers have good and bad days, but he was definitely not one of them.

Naturally, management decided to investigate this anomaly…

*

(In the restaurant)

The customers look over the menu and then glance up at the server. “What is the ‘Frozen Bowling Grape bowl with whipped mint cream‘?”

“That is half of one bowling ball-sized frozen grape, topped with fresh vanilla-flavored and mint-flavored whipped cream, and garnished with fresh mint leaves,” says the server. “We can optionally also add ice cream or vanilla custard.”

“How is it?”

“Garbage.”

“O-oh…” The customer stutters at the menu. “Really?”

“Yeah, total garbage.” He says.

“Well…thanks for that!” The table puffs in disbelief. “Dodged a bullet there, it seems. Then ‘Hardboiled Yolks stuffed with feta-mozarella‘?”

“Also.”

“Also garbage?”

“Oh yeah, real garbage,” the server says, and files his nails on the top of his shirt.

“Man! That is very good to know, you know? Wow. Thank you!” says the customer. “That is unbelievable. How about the ‘Half-meter Brioche Bread Cube Surprise‘?”

“Yes, that one too.”

“Oh, come on!” They throw their hands up in disbelief and exchange a glance between themselves. “Look—we are very grateful for your honesty, but is there anything good to eat in this place?”

“Yes, I heard good things about the cotton candy,” says the server, and continues inaudibly under his breath, “but I wouldn’t know…”

“Hmmm…”

..

*

(Tucked in the restricted staff area by the kitchen, peering into the restaurant lobby)

The manager turns to the assistant. “What made you think it was a good idea to hire him as a server?”

“He doesn’t mean it like that,” says the assistant manager.

“What do you mean, ‘he doesn’t mean it like that‘? He just told them our food is garbage.”

“Yeah, but garbage is like…like saying ‘cool‘,” says the assistant manager. “Do you know what I mean?”

“..because he’s a raccoon?”

“Because he’s a raccoon.” He nods. “And he makes us a lot of tips doing it, too.”

“Mark him for promotion.”

“Aye,” nods the assistant again. “Staring when?”

The manager looks at the raccoon from across the room. “Yesterday.”